Monday, June 30, 2008

Blazeon - SNES

There are a ton of games out there that I haven't played, old and new. So when I was randomly choosing a game from my SNES library, you think eventually I would pick a good game. Well no such luck here. All I got here was shitrock of wasted time. I didn't want to write up a little story about a game that I played awhile back and had to think of what I remembered about it. I wanted something that I could fly through, get a little enjoyment out of and move on and have the play experience fresh in my head. It didn't happen here.

I never even heard of Blazeon. And how do you pronounce that?, is "Blaze - ON" or is it "Blaz - EON". I think its only good to "Crap- ON". I was looking forward to playing something fun. I turned it on and my first thought was ,"ohhh, a ship shooter, I like those, power ups, crazy bosses, neat levels, insane and overwhelming enemies. Yeah, this game has none of that. So to help show what I mean, I took screen shots of my progress through the game, so show you the exciting game play.

So here I start up the game with no idea of what type of game this is. BLAZEON

I hit the start button, and theres no Story, just bang, right into the game, whatever, I can deal with that.

Theres a few enemys, but I am really surprised that we go long periods with nothing going on, no enemies, no obstacles, just me in my little red ship flying around, up and down, side to side. WOW!! I eventually reach the first boss, which reminds of Plinko from the Price is Right. Its not hard to kil, defeat, pummel. Ignore the little man where my ship should be, I will get to that later.

After defeating the boss, a weird screen comes up telling me to drop outta hyper space in real time. You think a story plot or something explaining what I am , what am I doing. Whats my motivation? But No, I never did find out what I am doing in regards to gameplay story.

So I plug ahead with more empty nothingness, meeting a enemy along the way, but because I don't see much besides background for the most of the time, I don't kill it right away, because I like the company. But then it leaves on its own if I don't kill it and I am left alone again.

Then repeat this process for another level, the bosses are all pretty easy, they each have a sweet spot. Thats where you park your ass in one spot and shoot away and they can't hit you. Its cheap, but if the developers didn't want us to cheat, they should have made a better game.

Yahh, another boss dead, repeat the thingy majig with the hyper shit.

Here the big boss is a eyeball, you can see that I am in the sweet spot. Nothing was hitting me in that spot. but I did have to move up to shoot the eyeball when it came open. but thats minor. Again, nothing new with story, repeat what I said before. Really disappointing.

It was at this point that I found out, that what I thought was missiles that I was shooting from my little ship was a device that could freeze the robot enemies and it would turn them blue and you could touch them and you turned into them with their weapons, so for one fleeting moment, hope came back into the game. I was happy with this. Until I died 10 secs later and lost the suit. but the point was, different suits gave you different powers. It was ok, but they were so big that maneuvering , was next to impossible. So I bang into the wall and loss it and be back to my little red ship again.

So forget the suit and continue on to the end, I hope.

So here we see, what I think is the end boss, pretty easy, you just park yourself infront of its head and shoot. It just looks at you. So YAAAYYY, the boss blows up , it goes through the motions like it did with the last bosses, so I think, "oh!!, I guess it wasn't the last boss". So I start again, but when I start this time in the level, I notice that my ship is yellow. And its not untill I'm halfway through the level that I notice that, hey, this is the first level again. Is it any harder, NOO. It looks the same, nothing is changed except the color of my ship.

So my first thought is, oh, its like the game "Ghost and Goblins" where you get to the end, but you find out that you have to do it all over again to get beat the game . Then thinking , what a cheap way for the developers to get people to replay this stupid game. To make it so its not the real ending. You have to play again. So off I go to do all this stupid shit again. Boring side scrolling action. Finally I get to the boss, beat him for the second time. Wait for the end, something to start, story, new music a different load screen. Nope, the first thing I notice is that my ship is now gold. FUCK YOU STUPID GAME..!!!

It was this point that I turned the game off, I was NOT going to play through all that crap again, yeah, theres the thought that maybe this time is the ending, but then theres the thought, that it will start over again and my ship will be hot pink. Nope, I'm done, has far has I'm concerned I beat the game twice.

Stupid Game, waste of time, wasn't fun, irritating. BLAH BLAH SLKJHFHIRAH LAF.....

It gets 1 point for bringing me out of a coma when I found out that you could take over the robot suits.....but then slip silently back into a coma.


Edward said...

I just beat this game.
This part of your text had me laughing a lot: "meeting a enemy along the way, but because I don't see much besides background for the most of the time, I don't kill it right away, because I like the company. But then it leaves on its own if I don't kill it and I am left alone again"
Kudos for playing a shooter, anyway!