Chuck Rock - SNES

I don't know why I was excited about this game when it first came out. Maybe the graphics, maybe because I like games with dinosaurs in them and it was cartoony with fart noises. I don't really know. But I was happy to get this game non the less.

There is nothing special about the game ingeneral, its your typical side scroller, you being a cave man who could jump kick and hit things with your belly and of course, Chuck Rocks at things, or use them has steps.

This is one of those games that you couldn't just play and be good at games. You had to play, screw up and learn from your mistakes. What I mean by this is, its like Battle Toads bike run, you had to know what was coming out next in order to survive. If not, things would just fly out of nowhere too fast and doesn't give you time to react. Alot of the times I found my self jumping and kicking way before the enemy would come out on screen, just because if I walked into the part where the enemy was, he would just hit you.


So, with some trial and error, I got through the first level. It was the end of the second level where you fight a underwater seamonster that I died constantly. And once you lose your 3 lives, you started all over again. Which I did, but every time I got to the boss, I couldn't tell if I was hitting him, I move towards him and kick and he shoot bubbles at me and I would die.

Its one of those things, that makes you wonder, am I doing something wrong. So I tried this again and again, moving around to different areas of the boss, until finally I gave up and put the game up for over a year. For a year, this game sat on my shelf with me mind boggeled on how to beat that stupid level 2 boss.


Unlike today where internet gives you all the answers, I finally got my answer from the Nintendo power up magazine. Float by his head, not too close and not too far away and kick like a sun uf a bitch.

So off I went so excited that I knew how to kill him. But really you need full life, cause any hits with the bubbles kill you. Anyway, I finally killed that stupid bitch, and once he was dead, the rest of the game was simple. I finished it that same day. A game that sat there on my shelf for over a year was finally done.


It wasn't spectacular and had a major flaw with the 2nd level boss. I just couldn't tell if I was hitting him. But when you hit him in the right spot, it was all good. It was too stupid to be fun at that point.

Overall, I did enjoy playing the rest of the game, nothing fancy, just a game.
5/10
There wasn't many good videos of this game. But its a little sample of what its like.

Earthworm Jim - Super Nintendo

What a Fantastic! game. There was nothing that I can think of that made this game bad in anyway. Even by today's standards, its still a kick ass game. Every level was different, every enemy had to be handled differently, there were bosses at the end of each world, its was great to look at, and Jim did a ton of different things. He wasn't the standard, jump and shoot. If you left him to his own devices, he would do little idle animations, of shooting himself in the face, or skip rope, etc.

My biggest memory in this game was the lens flare in the first level. Just like in the starwars games that gave me a lightsaber to turn off and on and Wolverines Claws to extract, earthworm Jim had a lens flare. It was awesome to walk back and fourth and see this lens flare track along with you has you moved. It really made you feel like it was full on 3-d when most games at the time were all 2-D side scrollers.


Each level was a masterpiece, you go into school the next day and tell your buddies, I got past level 3 and in the next level I had to ride a hamster and this new thing happened where I got pulled outta my body and I was a worm hopping to get back to my suit, it was Raaad, (That was the cool word back then, so it only seem appreciate to use it now, Its still Rad!!)


It was like they took all the goodness from other games and piled it all into this game. It was kick ass fun like BattleToads, but without the insane hardness. It was great getting to the next level and waiting in anticipation of what the heck are they going to pull off now. Riding rockets, getting chased by a mutant dog, saving puppies, whipping crows, launching cows.


And the Music, who could forget that!?the level 2 that had the Classical music with the cat boss battle to the quirky little sounds that made the game. Jims voice over of , "GROOOVY!". There was never any sense of receptiveness, everything seemed new and fresh, even it was just level 2.


Fantastic game, that everyone, non gamers and gamers should play. Its definitely in the top 10 games of all time for me for sure.

10/10

The cartoon was even kinda funny, but had that "horrible crappy we don't care about this anymore, so take this amount of money and make something move on screen" Look. I liked the opening sequence for it. AND HAHAHAHAHA, what a laugh of people making the cartoon!!! Each drawing is photographed in, that's right!! Polaroids!!!. All is missing are the Asians who work for rice and goat milk overseas. This video leads me to believe that the chick with frizzy hair animates the whole damn thing herself. By looking at the quality of the show, perhaps she did.
Anyway, EnJOY!!!

Super Mario RPG- SNES, Virtual Console

Super Mario RPG recently became available on the Wii's Virtual Console. I personally never really cared much for the game but found out my girlfriend loved it, so we downloaded it and she's been hooked for the past week now. Instead of me giving the review I thought it would be better if I just asked her a bunch of questions.



What do you like about Mario RPG?

(Thinks)- I don't know.... there's just something about it. It's the only RPG I have ever finished..... and it has Mario in it. It's also way less complicated and shorter then a final fantasy so it's less of a commitment.

Who's your favorite character?

There's Marshmellow Guy..... little guy that looks like... something...(trails off and zones out because of gameplay.)

Buying stuff from tadpoles? That's a little wacky?

They have good shit that helps everyone.

Who would win in a fight: you or the Princess?

She does have a mighty bitch-slap but she also has more hair than I do. I'd grab her by the hair and pull her into my knee.

After you beat the game do you think you'll play it again this year?

Ummmm.... probably not... I'd like to give it some time to forget some of the stuff in it so the next time I play seems fresh again.

Is Mario RPG as good as you remember?

Yes actually! I can appreciate it more now cause I've played so many shitty RPGs.

What don't you like about the game?

Stupid mini-games with bad controls. It's also vague as to what to do as well.


Closing comments?

Oohh I'm in Seaside Town! Maybe I'll get to do some Sailors.

Well there you have it. Girlfriend approved! Her final score is 8/10

Blazeon - SNES

There are a ton of games out there that I haven't played, old and new. So when I was randomly choosing a game from my SNES library, you think eventually I would pick a good game. Well no such luck here. All I got here was shitrock of wasted time. I didn't want to write up a little story about a game that I played awhile back and had to think of what I remembered about it. I wanted something that I could fly through, get a little enjoyment out of and move on and have the play experience fresh in my head. It didn't happen here.

I never even heard of Blazeon. And how do you pronounce that?, is "Blaze - ON" or is it "Blaz - EON". I think its only good to "Crap- ON". I was looking forward to playing something fun. I turned it on and my first thought was ,"ohhh, a ship shooter, I like those, power ups, crazy bosses, neat levels, insane and overwhelming enemies. Yeah, this game has none of that. So to help show what I mean, I took screen shots of my progress through the game, so show you the exciting game play.

So here I start up the game with no idea of what type of game this is. BLAZEON


I hit the start button, and theres no Story, just bang, right into the game, whatever, I can deal with that.







Theres a few enemys, but I am really surprised that we go long periods with nothing going on, no enemies, no obstacles, just me in my little red ship flying around, up and down, side to side. WOW!! I eventually reach the first boss, which reminds of Plinko from the Price is Right. Its not hard to kil, defeat, pummel. Ignore the little man where my ship should be, I will get to that later.


After defeating the boss, a weird screen comes up telling me to drop outta hyper space in real time. You think a story plot or something explaining what I am , what am I doing. Whats my motivation? But No, I never did find out what I am doing in regards to gameplay story.

So I plug ahead with more empty nothingness, meeting a enemy along the way, but because I don't see much besides background for the most of the time, I don't kill it right away, because I like the company. But then it leaves on its own if I don't kill it and I am left alone again.


Then repeat this process for another level, the bosses are all pretty easy, they each have a sweet spot. Thats where you park your ass in one spot and shoot away and they can't hit you. Its cheap, but if the developers didn't want us to cheat, they should have made a better game.


Yahh, another boss dead, repeat the thingy majig with the hyper shit.


Here the big boss is a eyeball, you can see that I am in the sweet spot. Nothing was hitting me in that spot. but I did have to move up to shoot the eyeball when it came open. but thats minor. Again, nothing new with story, repeat what I said before. Really disappointing.

It was at this point that I found out, that what I thought was missiles that I was shooting from my little ship was a device that could freeze the robot enemies and it would turn them blue and you could touch them and you turned into them with their weapons, so for one fleeting moment, hope came back into the game. I was happy with this. Until I died 10 secs later and lost the suit. but the point was, different suits gave you different powers. It was ok, but they were so big that maneuvering , was next to impossible. So I bang into the wall and loss it and be back to my little red ship again.

So forget the suit and continue on to the end, I hope.

So here we see, what I think is the end boss, pretty easy, you just park yourself infront of its head and shoot. It just looks at you. So YAAAYYY, the boss blows up , it goes through the motions like it did with the last bosses, so I think, "oh!!, I guess it wasn't the last boss". So I start again, but when I start this time in the level, I notice that my ship is yellow. And its not untill I'm halfway through the level that I notice that, hey, this is the first level again. Is it any harder, NOO. It looks the same, nothing is changed except the color of my ship.

So my first thought is, oh, its like the game "Ghost and Goblins" where you get to the end, but you find out that you have to do it all over again to get beat the game . Then thinking , what a cheap way for the developers to get people to replay this stupid game. To make it so its not the real ending. You have to play again. So off I go to do all this stupid shit again. Boring side scrolling action. Finally I get to the boss, beat him for the second time. Wait for the end, something to start, story, new music a different load screen. Nope, the first thing I notice is that my ship is now gold. FUCK YOU STUPID GAME..!!!

It was this point that I turned the game off, I was NOT going to play through all that crap again, yeah, theres the thought that maybe this time is the ending, but then theres the thought, that it will start over again and my ship will be hot pink. Nope, I'm done, has far has I'm concerned I beat the game twice.

Stupid Game, waste of time, wasn't fun, irritating. BLAH BLAH SLKJHFHIRAH LAF.....

1/10,
It gets 1 point for bringing me out of a coma when I found out that you could take over the robot suits.....but then slip silently back into a coma.

Super Metroid

Ahhhh time for me to explain my favorite game.

Super Metroid was kick ass! It had a variety of different levels such as a haunted ship, an "Aliens" type level, and a level that I can only describe as Hell (just to name a few.)

The power-ups were great and the game play itself was really smooth. Also the monsters looked really good even for the 16-bit graphics at the time. I still think they look pretty sweet!

Now the game itself just came out on the virtual console on the Wii. If you don't have this game or have never played this game, get it, love it, and then try to speed run this sucker to get the bathing suit ending which isn't that great at all. (sorry fellas)

See.... looks like a dude in drag. But the game still rocks!

The music for this game was also something that was really good (given the lack of memory size on the cartridge.) It was eerie, moody and exciting when it needed to be all in the right places. It also has the metal band Stemage doing covers of all the songs under the name Metroid Metal.

Now if you're way to cheap and/or can't bother playing through this game I found a speed-run on youtube, but I really recommend playing it yourself for the full experience.